Elections, PakUSAstan, Aliens Among Us, Pelosi Pulls Rabbit Out Of Hat

Gail Collins
Dana Milbank

Dear world, how's that let's-have-elections-to-promote-democracy thingy coming along? I don't know if we've always had such a blatant amount of election fraud and corruption, and the results of the recent elections in Afghanistan, Egypt, and the Ivory Coast are very disappointing. In Egypt, the government just scoffed and waved a dismissive hand at the fact that the major opposition group didn't win any seats at all in parliament, where last year they had won 88. In the Ivory Coast, an election official was taped bringing out the results for an area, looking at what was printed on the page, then angrily ripping the results paper up and tossing them. The current dictator, Laurent Gbagbo, has said that losing the election to his rival is unacceptable, so look forward to some more African violence...

 But Afghanistan takes the cake by arresting the honest election officials because its unhappy with the results. In Karzai's case, the areas where he has tribal affinity with the Pashtuns are now under-represented in parliament because it was too dangerous for people to come out and vote. So, it must be the election official's fault, who won't fudge any winners that are loyal to Karzai... the end results are the people's increased cynicism in this type of government along with the US's increasing impotence to influence the government officials.

We might as well rename Pakistan right now, into PakUSAstan, since it's become clear the our military is over-running the country. The Pakistani parliament has given up and directed the military to deal with all further exhortations to root out al-Qaeda groups, and the Prime Minister is in negotiations to buy a house in Qatar or the UAE for his family to live while he finishes serving out his term in office. First, it was the unmanned drone flying over the border, then, it was the skirmishes with mercenaries and the CIA. Now, we have groups of our military riding along with the Pakistani military, as they go out on patrols. Next, it will be General Petraeus setting up a headquarters in Islamabad, all the better to share information, you know...

Another disquieting incident is the arresting of 39 suspected members of al-Qaeda in Iraq. That's not too bad, except they are wearing the orange jumpsuits adopted by the US jail system. In Iraq, these accused face the death penalty, and there is a loud protest that a trial is too good for them, let's execute them all right now...! Take note, we might hear similar sounds if the US AG ever finds the founder of Wikileaks and hauls his butt over to the US...

For years Hollywood has made science fiction films about the Earth being attacked by aliens, with smaller films made about one or a few aliens living among us, with mixed results. Today, NASA announced the discovery of a life-form that is based on arsenic, something that will take quite some imagination getting used to, but something that had been imagined not too long ago. This television season we were introduced to The Event, so it may not be much longer before we are introduced formally to the Brother From another Planet. Or, it may take on the Wolfen variety, an entity that was here before humankind. My guess is that we will soon become aware of beings described by David Icke, beings that fueled the conspiracy theories for hundreds of years, from gods who seeded the human race to vampires and demons. So, if Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann both have guests on their shows who are shape-shifting lizards that mostly live in another dimension, I would pay very close attention on whom they support in the upcoming election... These lizard people are supposed to be very resistant to change and personally resent the phrase Don't Ask Don't Tell:

And Nancy Pelosi has proven once again why the conservative Republicans hate her guts, because time and time again she has proven to be the most effective Speaker of the House, ever. TPM reports that: "Using a wily procedural maneuver to tie Republican hands, House Democrats managed to pass, by a vote of 234-188, legislation that will allow the Bush tax cuts benefiting only the wealthiest Americans to expire. John Boehner is livid, but really, everyone saw it coming, it was announced for months as the strategy that Obama wished to pursue, and if Republicans bitch too much about it, then they look like they care more for the rich than anyone else. Besides, the tax cuts that will expire just go back to where they were during the Clinton administration, and nobody complained then. Besides, leaders like Eric Cantor and Mitch McConnell were getting too full of themselves, thinking that the wussies were going to lay down and do whatever they proposed...

"Harry Potter, eat your heart out..."