Thursday, June 9, 2011

Anthony Weiner And David Vitter Hot Pocket Jokes, Long Hot Summer, Dreaming Of Drones Over Damascus

Nicholas Kristoff
Dana Milbank
"The Chinese economy has shown signs of slowing down. Experts say that's what happens when your workforce starts to enter its teens." – Conan O'Brien

"A new poll shows that President Obama is losing the popularity boost he got after Osama bin Laden's death. Or as Gadhafi's putting it, 'Uh oh.'" – Jimmy Fallon
"The list of women who got sexy pics from Anthony Weiner keeps growing. As of now it's a porn star, a single mom from Texas, a blackjack dealer, and a student from Seattle. Is this a sex scandal of the next cast of Survivor? 'Survivor: Weiner Island.'" – Craig Ferguson


Still lots of gyrating among members of Congress over Anthony Weiner's tweeted crotch shots, and fodder for late night jokes. To prove that even negative publicity can be beneficial, the Democratic Party will put out its Tweet of the Week every Friday afternoon. Be the first in your college dorm to collect the whole set... Way too much whining and demanding that AW resign from the Republicans. The comeback argument is why didn't anyone call for David Vitter to resign when his phone number was found in the DC Madam's phone list? I remember reading a blog from Louisiana during that scandal, that purported to have interviewed some of the local prostitutes that Vitter visited. Seems Mr Vitter likes to dress up in baby diapers and have the prostitutes pee on him, I guess while he is spouting family values talking points... Anyway, the good people of Louisiana have re-elected David Vitter to another term, so I guess his unorthodox strategy worked. And since AW id also refusing to resign right now, we can only wonder what the next election cycle will hold for upstate New Yorkers...

Proving once again that this coming election cycle is the Year of the GOP Clowns, we have Newt Gingrich's staff resigning en masse. Newt himself is on a cruise ship, taking a vacation, using some of the money he has collected from his web site. Not only are the staff stuffing Newt, but many of them used to work for Texas governor Rick Perry, making tails wag that he might be next to jump into the presidential pool... It looks like the next drinking game or lottery at work will be on how many more days until Newt has to withdraw from the race... Hey, does anybody know where Sarah Palin will show up this weekend?


My sister and brother-in-law just came back from visiting Austin, Texas, where the temperatures were in the 100 plus marks. It looks like it will be a long, hot global summer this year. Bored teenage kids will once again be trying to hack into fun and dangerous places, only this time they will have been contracted out by the US govt to try and hack into China's infrastructure, and China already has its college students trying to hack the US and Google if they wish to graduate... One third of the troops we plan to leave behind in Iraq this summer will be mercenaries. I think I can safely say that there will be enough alcoholism, drug taking, and general partying on in Bagdad to make Animal House and the ghost of John Belushi proud of the American Way...

Speaking of killing, many of the states have been out of a drug that's used to administer the lethal injection, so terminal prisoners are stockpiling up like cordwood. The chemical has a short lifespan, so it can't be hoarded. Many countries that make the chemical, like Germany, will no longer export the drug to the US because they don't want it used for lethal injections. Recently, the US Trade minister sent a specific request for the drug to his counterpart in Germany. Germany just said no, we won't supply you with the lethal injection drug, but have you tried buying tons of bean sprouts from our farmers? Works just as well...

What with all of the problems hitting the Middle East right now, and they will get worse tomorrow afternoon after prayers, one of the complaints that percolated through it all, is Lebanon's complaint of slow Internet service. Yep, it has the slowest service in the area, and its citizens can't complain that their government has switched things off or made it slower like its neighbors can... Even though Saudi Arabia has been pouring in billions of dollars, hoping to stabilize Egypt and other countries, maybe they should think of cutting their losses and distancing themselves from Syria's House of Assad, now making themselves known as the craziest, blood-thirstiest regime around. When the army is attacked by secret security services and blamed on outside agitators, you know they have been chewing way too much khat...

 I know that Hillary is kicking herself for prematurely trying to oust Qaddafi, as if she had just that one shot for legitimacy in the area... I'll bet she is dreaming of drones over Damascus right now...

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