Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A Middle-Eastern Update, Babysitting Doggies

Eugene Robinson
Andrew Bacevich
"The United States was able to find and kill Osama bin Laden because of a tip from one of his wives. When she saw a picture of his body, she said, 'Now who can't drive the car?'" – Conan O'Brien
"They have just released another posthumous Osama bin Laden video. If you listen carefully you can hear his last words: 'Will somebody please answer the damn door!'" – David Letterman
"You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger calls a quickie? A Minute Maid." – Jay Leno
Jay Leno on Sarah Palin:
"Sarah Palin may run for President. Doesn’t that thought make you nostalgic for last week when you only thought the world was going to end?" – Jay Leno

"This weekend Sarah Palin begins a nationwide bus tour, which I think is a good way for her to learn the names of all the states." – Jay Leno

"I think Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin would be the perfect ticket. She can’t answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question." – Jay Leno

Sources have "revealed" to me that Sarah Palin's bus tour was the result of the bus's maker and the Palin's - the bus is free if they drive around in it for a few months. Here everyone thought that it had to do with politics or driving her speaker's fees back up... And the fact that the Palins bought a house in Scottsdale, Arizona may mean that they are tired of spending winters in the snow, I certainly join them in that... It will remain to be seen if they spend their time there as a couple, or if Sarah will use it for her "alone" time, or if she ends up babysitting for Bristol a lot...

I spent my Memorial Day weekend reading some books and babysitting my sister's three dogs while she and her husband travel to Austin for her oldest grandchild's high school graduation. Two chihuahuas are rescue animals, and a Brussels Gryphon, which was originally bred as a coach dog... Every afternoon and early evening we get together and howl because their owners are gone, then we curl up together on the couch. I knew that cats can sleep up to 20 hours per day, but hadn't realized that dogs sleep a lot, too. Maybe because I'm so boring...

The border crossing at Rafah, from the Gaza strip into Egypt was opened up on Saturday. Most of the traffic was from Palestine, going towards Cairo and beyond, many will attempt to migrate to another country. So far, Israel has kept fairly quiet about it, probably because the crossing is just letting individuals across it, trucks containing goods still are subject to the same amount if red tape, if they are allowed at all. Israel may insist that Egypt also takes responsibility in patrolling and policing the Gaza strip, until the next elections in Palestine, which may well throw out both Fatah and Hamas for some younger coalition... Or things could easily spiral out of control the other way. Hamas has stockpiled over 10,000 missiles, which mostly were smuggled through the old tunnels under the Rafah border crossing, Egypt has voided a natural gas contract with Israel, and a mysterious bomb has gone off in a Hamas training camp. Perhaps some kind of war may soon escalate; I think that Netanyahu sees this as a good solution to his Palestinian state problems. He also has secretly made a pact with the Saudis to help each other if either one has to attack Iran...

Syria is going to declare an official victory over its protesters, after having killed over 1200 Syrians and chased the remaining opposition organizers into West European countries. Nothing left to do but knock on doors at night...

Even though Moammar Qaddafi is still refusing to leave Libya, it may only be a short matter of time. Je is like Egypt's Hosni Mubarak, under the spell that his people loved every little hardship he caused them, that his torturing citizens was merely a patriarchal form of tough love, and there is no reason that he can't stay in the land he loves until he dies of old age... If the borders of Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, and Gaza become porous, it may develop into one large nation-state, which could be good for them commercial-wise, and help to turn their economies around... Unfortunately, it will be a long, hot Summer for these countries, as there is still a drought throughout most of the Middle East and North Africa. The Arab Spring protests originally began over the lack of jobs and rising food prices. With the current unrest, there are less jobs than before, and until the practice of commodity futures is stopped on a global scale, the cost of food staples will continue to rise until not even the UN will be able to afford cooking oil...

Circling in the desert sands like landsharks are the Iranians. Yes, it seems that they have made some sort of pact with the devil, and are waiting and watching for a surgical entry into the strife. They already have gotten Syria's government believing that harsh tactics are justified on its civilians, they are poised to help the Shia in Bahrain, and they continue to make the bombs and suicide vests that are so popular in Iraq and Afghanistan right now. In fact, the bombings in Iraq make no sense unless you figure that the Iranians are trying to disrupt society as much as they can without invading. One week a bomb goes off in Kurdistan, another time one will go off in a Sunni neighborhood, while last week one exploded in a Shia neighborhood devoted to Muktada al Sadr. They are doing more than just fucking with the iraqis heads...

Yet, Iran has its own problems that it doesn't want anyone to know about. There is the feud between former sweethearts, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the Grand Ayatollah Khamenei. Remember when the Ayatollah backed the election of Ahmadinejad, declared it legitimate enough for him and Mahmoud was The Man! Now, they are fighting in public, with Mahmoud pouting and throwing tantrums that last for days... Then, there are the computer viruses and the roving bands of saboteurs in southern Iran, who damage the oil and natural gas pipelines, putting the refineries offline for days at a time. They probably sneak in from the two Israeli submarines stationed off the coast of Iran...

OK, that's the mid-east update, tomorrow we'll talk about those crazy Russians and their satellite states, which now resemble cellulite states after their bloated and wrinkly leadership... Cheers, I have to go and get those damned barking dogs...

Friday, May 27, 2011

Googling Santorum, Russia To Negotiate Qaddafi's Departure

Paul Krugman
Dana Milbank
"The Rapture-predicting preacher, Harold Camping, is really scaling back his predictions. He now predicts the end of the month will be May 31." – Jay Leno

"President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed." – Jay Leno

"Obama was also in England, where the queen suggested that we go back to the pre-1776 borders." – Jay Leno

"According to Osama bin Laden's journals that were taken during the raid, he wanted to attack L.A. He changed his mind when he realized that he had nothing against the Mexican people." – Jay Leno

David Letterman's "Top Ten Thoughts Going Through Barack Obama's Mind While Having Car Trouble in Ireland"

10.  'There goes my Avis deposit'
9.    'I think we hit a Leprechaun'
8.    'Crap, the teleprompter's in that car'
7.    'How much does AAA charge to pick up a guy in Ireland?'
6.    'Remember when Trump thought he could be president?'
5.    'I wonder if Gingrich has a revolving line of credit at Sears Auto Center?'
4.    'Lucky there aren't any television cameras around to catch this'
3.    'It's always the day after your warranty expires, am I right?'
2. '   Where are the Navy seals when you need them?'
1.    'O'Crap!'

Paul Ryan and Bill Clinton backstage, Ryan confessing his health plan is a sham... click on the video picture from Youtube:

I really was going to post something during the last three days, I swear! But I was sitting in my comfy chair, which not only swivels and it rocks, but also reclines, while I was reading the newspaper. The cat climbed on and fell asleep in my lap, which caused me to drift off and also sleep for a couple of hours... Woke up and barely had time to turn on the evening news programs...

If you Google the word santorum, you will get something other than Rick Santorum's website, courtesy of a mean-spirited prank made by Dan Savage, who's real name is Michael Weiner. Wikipedia explains it all: "The word santorum /sænˈtɔərəm/ is a sexual neologism for "that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex", and was proposed by readers of American humorist and sex-advice columnist Dan Savage in 2003 to "memorialize" then-Republican U.S. Senator Rick Santorum from Pennsylvania, prompted by controversy over his statements on homosexuality.[1] Savage asked his readers to submit new definitions for the term.[1] After Savage created a website for the term, the word became a top search result and unseated the Senator's official website on multiple Web search engines including Google, Yahoo! Search and the Bing search engine.[2][3][4] In 2010, Dan Savage offered to remove his website if Rick Santorum would agree to donate US$5 million to a gay rights group, Freedom to Marry, which advocates on behalf of same-sex marriage in the United States."

Rick Santorum doesn't have a chance to win at anything, but it's nice to have him around to make fun of. Even Miley Cyrus has been tweeting about him, mainly because the CEO of Urban Outfitters donated to his campaign, and she's at war with UO for ripping off people's jewelry designs. Then, Rick has come out in the past with such gems as: “IF WE ALLOW GAY MARRIAGE NEXT THING YOU KNOW PEOPLE WILL BE MARRYING GOLD FISH’ – Rick Santorum, which prompted the website on fecal matter, and puts having a koi pond in a whole, new light... just the image of Rick as some form of frothy mixture means that no-one will ever take him seriously, until the end of time, or next October 21st, whichever comes first...

Our dear Sarah Palin has rented a bus and decked it out for a tour of the East Coast, where she will drop in unannounced at biker rallies and other planned events, where she will parade herself and make wicked comments meant to be used as soundbites on Fox news, yet tantalizing everyone by not quite saying if she is a candidate for the presidential primary. She will keep the field of candidates interesting, and we can only hope for a debate with herself, Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain in it to win it...
"Sarah Palin was asked if she has the fire in the belly to run for President, and she said yes. But it's not the fire in the belly; it's the air in the head." – Jay Leno
I keep hoping that we will have a national debate over Mormonism, with John Huntsman and Mit Romney in as candidates. The Mormon church has taken the first step, by making commercials that supposedly show how diverse their members are, but I haven't yet seen anyone else picking up the gauntlet... My great grandparents came to Los Angeles from Salt Lake City, on one of the last covered wagons, and my great great grandfather was a young punk who came to Denver as a gunslinger. His goals in life at that time were to sleep with as many Indian women as he could, and to kill as many Mormons as he was allowed... I understand that he was successful in both endeavors... My great grandparents were rebels, they decided that the Mormon church was too flaky for them, so they became Christian Scientists. I know, they went from one extreme to another, just as flaky sect, but in those days you didn't have a whole lot of choice. Even today, the whole Southwest is dotted with secret Mormon enclaves, some where polygamy is still practiced as a modern farming method...

It looks like Russia may successfully negotiate for Moammar Qaddafi's departure from Libya. At the G8 meeting, it was decided that Russia had the best chance and asked if they would step up and take on the responsibility to negotiate a deal. From al Jazeera: "Sergei Ryabkov, the Russian deputy foreign minister, told reporters on Friday that "Gaddafi has forfeited legitimacy" and that Russia is ready "to help him go".

Soon after, Mikhail Margelov, Moscow's special representative on Africa told reporters that his country is ready to negotiate Gaddafi's departure.Margelov explained that Russia is in contact with Gaddafi's entourage, and that they are willing to negotiate Libyan leader’s fate. "We shouldn't talk to Gaddafi himself but with members of his cabinet, possibly with his sons. And we are making such contacts, so there is a hope for a political resolution," Margelov told reporters at the G8 summit in northern France."

And with the Serbian dictator finally under arrest, it looks like the era of crazy-people-as-rulers may finally be coming to an end. "Ratko Mladic led the armed forces of the Bosnian Serbs during the Balkan wars of the early 1990’s", and was infamous for the number of executions he committed. Maybe that's what the Mayan calendar means by ending in 2012, that Kim Jong-Il will finally pass away along with Robert Mugabe and Vladimir Putin...

The rest of the region remains safe, as Pepe Escobar points out in the Asian Times: "The rest of the region might be teetering, but members of the Gulf Cooperation Council - Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Kuwait, Bahrain and Oman - are sleeping easy. Nothing will happen to them because the enlightened West - not Allah - is their supreme guardian. And for any extra muscle they might need to keep the order they desire, heavily bankrolled foreign mercenaries are just the ticket. " As we see in Afghanistan and Libya, well-paid mercenaries are the current hot trend, look for a spew of movies about them soon...

Israel may not be strong-armed into scheduling more peace talks, but at least they will stand by when Egypt opens its border crossing this Saturday. Wouldn't Gaza be the perfect place for a picnic?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Apocalypse, Tornados, Dictators, and Newt's Pedestal...

Paul Krugman
Joe Nocera
Leslie Bennetts
"A gay activist dumped glitter all over Newt Gingrich. He wants Newt to stop being against gay marriage. But Newt believes marriage is a sacred bond between a man and his wife and his mistress and the other woman he's seeing on the side." – Jay Leno

"President Obama suggested that Israel should go back to the pre-1967 borders. Native Americans said, "Why stop there? Let's go back to the pre-1492 borders."" – Jay Leno
"President Obama said Hillary Clinton is approaching one million frequent flier miles in her job as Secretary of State. Though even that can't get her upgraded to the seat she really wants." – Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama offered $1 billion to Egypt to boost the creation of new jobs. And if that works, they're going to try it here." – Jimmy Fallon

Well, the world didn't end over the weekend, the earth kept on spinning along... Instead of the Rapture, we got the Rupture - of Harold Camping's church. The tragedy comes from the people who truly believed in Harold Camping's prophecy, and gave up their jobs, sold their houses, to buy billboards and buy ads to spread the word. They gathered up their kids and drove around the country, spreading the apocalyptic gospel. Now they must face their chagrin and humiliation, and re-examine what led them down this awful path. As for Mr Camping, who has amassed over $72 million in donations and won't be refunding them any time soon, well, he just can't understand it. Maybe it will actually happen in October, his Plan B...

Instead, I watched tornados over the weekend. I grew up in earthquake country, and I'm used to tremors happening under my feet, no big deal. But tornados scare me, with how much energy is created, and how much devastation they can cause. So far, their have been over 200 tornados this season, which is not over. They have been setting down near cities and towns, destroying places like Joplin, MO in a matter of minutes, everything flattened and left twisted and splintered on the ground. We even had a smaller one set down where I live, and I thought that living so close to the Rocky Mountains would somehow deflect the winds that create tornados, but I am very mistaken.

It hasn't been a good past year, weatherwise. We've had record monsoons causing record flooding from Pakistan to China, an earthquake and tsunami hit Japan and cause a meltdown in three nuclear reactors, and we've had these tornados in the US. Record heatwaves have caused severe drought from Russia on down to Northern Africa, while a huge snowfall will impact the Rocky Mountain region once the snows begin to melt... And it won't stop, the next few years will be just as erratic, with potentially even stronger storms, earthquakes, and tornados in our future.

I wrote several times how our world-wide net of humanitarian aid is stretched thin, and after the devastation in Haiti, we don't have the resources to meet the needs after such crisis. Haiti has received only 30% of the amount of money that was pledged, and it will be lucky if it receives anything more beyond excuses. Instead of military generals deciding where to employ and endanger citizens, now the administers of charities get to make decisions of who is going to get aid and live, and who will die...

It's too bad that FEMA doesn't have more clout, or even someone with vision. The Supreme Court has told the State of California it must reduce its prison population by at least 30,000 inmates. Why not send them to Alabama and Missouri and have them work as laborers cleaning up the debris after the tornados, and help to rebuild? For many, it would be a life-changing experience, and its a lot more constructive than picking up gum wrappers off the side of the road... Yes, I know there's a Cool Hand Luke reference in there, somewhere, I'm just too lazy today to bring it out...

I think what we are seeing globally, is the twilight of the dictators. And what is defeating them are their own people, who have gotten tired of their intimidating tactics and silly personal lives. Of course, the problems aren't just with these so-called royal families, the real danger is from their sycophants who have
used their proximity to the ruling families to amass great personal fortunes, and certainly don't want to see the golden calf taken away... But, history has a stronger calling, and if we are to progress as nations on this planet, we need to learn how to negotiate with one another as democratic peers. And when leaders stop shooting and killing their own citizens gathered in protest... In the Middle East, it really is a domino effect, and once a Qaddafi or Assad goes, so does the rest of the region, including Iran. That will leave Israel alone in the region, as the one country left who is being autocratic and not giving rights to a group living within its borders...

This trend is unfortunate for people like Newt Gingrich, who spent between $250 - 500,000 at Tiffany's on bling. What he actually did was buy his wife a tiara, so she could wear it when he put her on that pedestal at the end of the bed on nights when they were going to get frisky... Or else he could wear it and be King Newt For A Day...

Don't get me wrong, I love it that Newt is still in the race for the Republican nomination. Not a day goes by without him putting his foot in his mouth, proving all along what I have been saying about him, that he really is quite a stupid man. If Newt and Paul Ryan are all that passes for wise Republicans these days, then woe to the future of the GOP... Actually, it demonstrates how the right wing philosophy is such a fantasy, and separate from the real world. We make fun of them, but they really need medical help and therapy instead of being elected to Congress.

Friday, May 20, 2011

We All Go Camping, Dick Cheney's Book

Paul Krugman
Dana Milbank
Michelle Cottle
"In a new interview, President Obama said that killing Osama bin Laden does not secure his 2012 re-election. Yeah, that's been taken care of by the current field of Republicans." - Jimmy Fallon
"They found so much porn at Bin Laden's compound that they're investigating whether the porn was used to send coded messages. So remember guys, from now on when your lady catches you, you're not looking at porn, you're analyzing coded messages. 'Honey, I wasn't looking at porn. I'm in Al Qaeda.'" - Conan O'Brien

"Two days after the raid on Osama bin Laden, Disney trademarked the name, 'SEAL Team 6.' They also renamed their most popular ride, 'It's a Small World - and We Will Find Where You're Hiding and Kill You.'" - Conan O'Brien

I understand that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Schriver have put their home in LA up for sale, for $27 million. Arnold is thinking of moving to France, where he can be as respected as the head of the IMF and party like their will be no coming Apocalypse... He also had put all of his movie projects on hold. They may have to rewrite the Terminator series, the two changes they are thinking of is to have the Terminator robot wear the letter "A" on its chest, or to have it speak more like Darth Vader, so when it meets up woth John Connor, it can say " John, I'm your father..."

Harold Camping is a 72 year old evangelist who is predicting that the Apocalypse will happen today and tomorrow. Just in case he is wrong, he has amassed $72 million to keep him comfortable if he is one of those Left Behind. If you know someone who is actually psychic, they'll tell you that nobody can accurately predict more than 100 years ahead of time, which means that all of the Biblical prophesies have either already happened a very long time ago, or they went bust, just like over 80% of every modern day psychic's predictions... For the rest of us, here's ten handy hints from David Letterman:

Top Ten Ways To Make The Apocalypse More Fun

10. Hosted by Neil Patrick Harris
9.  Crazy hats like at the Royal Wedding
8.  All-you-can-eat baby back ribs with Chili's Aporkalypse special
7.  Instead of four horsemen, three horsemen and a monkey riding a dog
6.  Telecast of the Real Housewives being vaporized
5.  Live tweet it
4.  Hilarious slide whistle sound effect when the righteous ascend to heaven
3.  Raffle drawing for a Broyhill dinette set
2.  People's panicked pleas for mercy are critiqued by Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, and Howie       Mandel
1.  More fun? What's more fun than the apocalypse?

I saw Mike Huckabee on the Jay Leno show last night. The Mike Huckabee I liked was on, talking reasonably and making sense like some kind of moderate, saying that he never believed all of that birther nonsense. Then, when you get him in front of some good old-boy audience does he start getting all racist and evangelical on you... Both Mike and Donald Trump decided that they liked the money they made from television shows was a lot better than the stress of a presidential race, and have bowed out. Late-night comedians all regret that The Donald won't run, even Jeff Ross was getting ready for another Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump... Besides, the comedy routines by Seth Meyers and Barack Obama showed how thin-skinned Mr Trump really is, and then Barack showed him, by interrupting the Celebrity Apprentice to announce the death of Osama bin Laden, a taste of what he would be in for... Can't get more old-school style than a shooting in the face...
"Donald Trump was sitting nearby. Everybody was laughing at Donald Trump and it was the most beautiful thing in the world. To have the bully of the world or whatever – it was fantastic. It was really great. I wanted to go up to him and go, ‘Didn’t you think any of that was funny?’ But you don’t want to engage with somebody that’s so grotesque.” - Actor Zach Galifianakis, describing his time at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

Speaking about shooting people in the face, Dick Cheney has a new book coming out. The front cover has been hastily redone, to go along with the Cheney fantasy that he had something to do with bin Laden's death. It is creepy, they took the spot in the White House where Obama walked down the hall to deliver his message about bin Laden, then photoshopped in the figure of Dick Cheney, a full foot taller than Obama, and wearing the same suit that Obama had on, with a pin of the American flag in exactly the same spot that Barack wore his pin, and the same tie...

Those who tend to favor Mr Cheney insist that the jacket cover was done quite aawhile ago, and that Mr Obama staged the event to look like the Dick Cheney photograph, making the old chicken or egg quandry... This means that Dick and his daughter will now be on the Sunday political talk shows for the next two months... Enjoy the scoop on the book from David Letterman:

Top Ten Chapter Titles In Dick Cheney's New Memoir

10. "How To Shoot Friends And Influence People"
9.  "They Call Me Bypass Booey"
8.  "Man I Love Them Kardashian Sisters"
7.  "Let A Sneer Be Your Umbrella"
6.  "Why I Voted For John Kerry In 2004"
5.  "My Lifelong Love Affair With Bacon"
4.  "Clear!"
3.  "The Time I Saw Rumsfeld Naked"
2.  "Tuesdays With Moron"
1.  "Being The Best Dick I Can Be"

Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu must be reading the same memo notes that the rest of the right wing Republicans are, that anything that Barack Obama proposes is wrong. Benjamin is a grumpy, mean-spirited man who doesn't like the USA, and now he gets to take out all presvious imagined slights out on our President and slam Obama's ideas for a two-state settlement. Doesn't matter that they were the agreed upon basis for negotiations for the last 30 years, it's suddenly not acceptable to Israel. Take Netanyahu's style and rantings, and place them in our White House, and you'll get an idea of what it may be like having a right winger as president. Makes John Boehner look like a Boy Scout...

Ahh, man... I know that I'm missing a lot of good material. I especially wanted to thank John McCain for finally standing up like a man and talking about torture. Rick Santorum proved to be such an a**hole that I'm pretty sure it ruined his chances as a minor presidential candidate. A lot of things happened here in Colorado, we have such a passionate, diverse groups of voters. We have a lot of tea partyers who are very conservative, and then we have their children, who are quite liberal. Hopefully, they cancel each other out in the big elections...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Bin Laden's Beard, International Monetary Fund Makes Excuses

Mahmoud Abbas
Paul Krugman
"Iran's intelligence minister claims to have proof that Osama bin Laden was dead before the Navy SEALs found him. Does anyone believe Iran has an intelligence minister? That's like Pakistan having a truth minister." – Jay Leno
"Al-Qaida has not yet picked a new leader to run their terrorist organization. Apparently, candidates keep losing interest after asking, 'What happened to the last guy?'" – Conan O'Brien
"The SEALs recovered an extensive stash of pornography from Bin Laden's compound. It's probably not easy just having sex with the same 11 wives all the time. There were interesting titles: 'Debby Does Abbottabad,' 'Deep Goat,' 'Bare Ankles 4,' and '2 Humps, 1 Camel.'" – Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises in the Osama bin Laden Diary"

10. Always dotted the 'I' in 'Jihad' with a smiley face
9. Expressed anger at not being invited to the royal wedding
8. Disguised himself by wearing a fake beard over his real beard
7. Was the first one to suggest Hugh Grant as a possible replacement for Charlie Sheen
6. Admitted in college he experimented with a member of the opposite sect
5. Preferred exploding boxers to exploding briefs
4. As much as he hated the United States, he loved Red Lobster's coconut shrimp bites
3. The guy just wouldn't shut up about the new Beastie Boys album
2. Would occasionally fax jokes to Leno
1. Turns out he was kind of a coward

Lots of interesting things have been going on while I was sleeping like a bat, with my heels above my head, trying to regain some healthy bloodflow and pissing away some excess body weight. One of the most interesting are the tidbits of information being leaked by our government on Osama bin Laden. The unofficial leaker has given out more information than wikileaks ever did, making Julian Assange look like a local gossip columnist... We learn that bin Laden had Aveena syrup, a local herbal concoction that passes as a Viagra substitute, that he had a stash of porn, that he did not have the porn, that he kept a diary, and that he would dye his beard black to appear younger and in vital health for his dvd message recordings, all silly stuff aimed to discredit bin Laden as a holy warrior.

That bin Laden was a planner and never a fighter should come as no shock to anyone. His fantasy was that he was a reincarnation of the prophet that everyone would flock to. Dying his beard is an affectation that most men do at least once in their lives, and it's a tradition that older men routinely practice throughout Asia and the Middle East. Either they eventually get the message of how ridiculous they look, or they continue the trend seeking more ways to stroke their shallow egos. The creepy part is when young guys also start dying their hair blacker than black, and look like they have just added shoe polish to their heads, thinking, if it works this well for patent leather... right Dave Weigel?

Follow you where, General Petraeus?
Not only did the US not tell the Pakistani military that we were going to invade their country for about an hour, but now the US military in Afghanistan is holding talks directly with the Taliban groups without having the Pakistani intelligence along to babysit. Now we can find out directly what it will take for the Taliban groups to stop fighting so we can leave. Since the old-guard Taliban leaders all have their vacation houses and are living in places like Quetta, Pakistan, we can negotiate with a younger crowd, who might relish being integrated into the army or police and come in from the wilderness. Now that we no longer have an official excuse to be fighting in Afghanistan, we need to find a painless, elegant way back out. Unfortunately, we more resemble the hyena who has chewed its way up the dead elephant's rear end and is having problems extricating itself - a lot more damage may yet be done...

Is it any surprise that Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu is running around like a chicken-with-its-head-cut-off,  preparing himself without any major peace plans tp present to President Obama when he comes to the US next week? What difference does he present to the world, between Israel or Syria, both firing on unarmed protesters and killing them, then complaining that they are outside agitators and thugs, bent on destroying the state? He looks like any other right wing buffoon, making up a load of BS to justify his fascistic actions... The question being asked inside Israel, is why didn't the Army prepare for some kind of protest on last Saturday, sine some kind of protest has happened on that day for the last 40 years... The question that wiil be asked when Netanyahu arrives in America to pander in front of Congress and selected well-heeled groups, is how much can we give you? Inspiring Netanyahu to rant even more that it's all the Palestinians fault that the peace negotiations have been stalled...

Speaking of sexist pigs, the managing director of the International Monetary Fund was pulled off of a flight leaving New York, after having been accused of attempting to rape a hotel maid at the French owned Sofitel hotel. He thought she was one of the regular whores provided by the hotel, or he thought he was back in Europe, where that sort of behavior is considered normal, nudge, nudge, wink, wink... Then again, he could have still been drunk from the night before, and thought he was visiting Arnold Shwartzenegger, and they were gonna share... Usually, whenever a visiting official with diplomatic immunity is caught trying to force themselves on some teenager, and it happens more than you'd think, the State Dept quietly whisks them off and deports them back to their country, no trial, no sense of justice given to the victims. But here we have someone who has too much of political image, he was thought to be next in line for the French presidency, and now this sorry spectacle will play itself out to its sad and dreary end, hopefully taking a few more politicians down with him... Who knows, maybe The Family and Senator Coburn arranged payoffs for people involved in this story, too. After all, attacking a black hotel maid must be the lesser evil than arresting and killing Ugandans just because they are gay, another item inspired by Doug Coe and The Family... As for Arnold, I always was amazed that Joe Weider's boy toy made it so far in politics. Then, like most males, he succumbed to the urge to bring it all crashing down... Then again, even Bridgit Neilson has confided in her new tell-all, what a great lover Arnold was, and why he was known as the Austrian Oak...

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Osama, and the Self-Delusions of Newt Gingrich

Timothy Egan
Paul Krugman
Dana Milbank
"Who might be Bin Laden's successor? If they're looking for someone with a large following who's a religious zealot and hates the Jews...Mel Gibson?" – Bill Maher
"In the wake of President Obama's decision to not release pictures of Osama bin Laden's body, a number of new conspiracy theories are surfacing claiming that bin Laden is not really dead. Which means Barack Obama will go down in history as the first black person ever to have to prove that he killed someone." – Seth Meyers
"Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp." –Jay Leno

"Bin Laden was buried at sea. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, 'the ultimate waterboarding.'" –Jay Leno

"In a stunning flip-flop, the White House says it will not release the photo of bin Laden. Now we have to wait for Donald Trump to force them to release it." –Jay Leno

David Letterman's "Top Ten Good Things About Having Osama bin Laden As A Neighbor"

10. Didn't matter how loud a party got, there was no way he was calling the cops
9. No one gave us better hugs
8. Did shirtless Tai Chi in the yard — you're welcome, ladies!
7. He did a lot of volunteer work at the JCC
6. Very quiet, except on rare occasions when Navy SEALs would raid his house and kill him
5. Having a celebrity in the neighborhood is always good for property values
4. Olympic-sized camel-shaped pool
3. The adorable way he'd shout 'Death to weeds!' when mowing the lawn
2. At barbecues he made his famous 'Fatwa Franks'
1. You were never the biggest jerk in the neighborhood

Ah, me. I've spent the last three days with my feet elevated above my head, with my legs slathered with lotions and potions, trying to get them to stop turning purple and getting the blisters to heal. the alternative is watching them die and having my legs amputated, so I have followed the doctor's instructions this time, finally believing what he is telling me. Because I'm a grumpy old man, it took some time before it all sank in. If you are diabetic, please start eating correctly and watching your sugar and salt intake. Unfortunately, almost everything you buy at the market contains either sugar or too much salt, including the "healthy" breads and cereals... a report just came out, claiming that nursing homes are prescribing way too much anti-depressants to their elderly patients, which is no surprise. Along with prescribing them to children under 5 years old, giving grandpa and grandma medicine that will help keep them docile while being cared for by others, costing the government over $132 million per year: “Government, taxpayers, nursing home residents as well as their families and caregivers should be outraged and seek solutions,” Daniel R. Levinson, inspector general of the Department of Health and Human Services, wrote in announcing the audit results.

Mr. Levinson noted that such drugs — which include Risperdal, Zyprexa, Seroquel, Abilify and Geodon — are “potentially lethal” to many of the patients getting them and that some drug manufacturers illegally marketed their medicines for these uses “putting profits before safety.”

The 800 lb gorilla that's in the room is that it's depressing getting older, watching your body fail, and the ones you love grow senile, or vice versa...

It's interesting watching all of the different countries express their displeasure with the US, and the act of getting Osama bin Laden. If the Russians had done it, people would be exclaiming "Holy Shit, beware of those Cossacks!" If Israel had done it, people would exclaim "Holy shit, it's the Mossad again!" But, because it's the US, everyone feels they must get back at us by sending their lawyers over to make their arguments in court...  It will also be interesting to find out, once all of the blustering and posturing is finished by the Pakistanis, if we'll ever get real information out of them.

Not only is the Pakistani military a closed society like the military everywhere, where high ranking officers are coddled and obeyed well past retirement, but you have tribal ethnicities to take into account, plus any religious cults that are adhered to. Most Asian generals are treated like ancient warlords, and have a retinue that sucks up to them for life. If one is threatened, the rest form a tight circle, ready to lash out in any form that will help. Look at the one that has currently formed around Syria's Bashar al Assad... And Abbadobad is a town filled with retired generals, active generals and servicemen, and a war college. It's considered a low crime area, very important for an al Qaeda commander, can't have someone sneaking in to steal the Vasoline... Anyway, the retired general who offered his protection to bin Laden, will be someone who was assigned to be friendly with the Afghans, and was around when al Qaeda was considered an ally fighting the invading Soviets... And being overshadowed by the events about bin Laden is the fact that the general who planned the massacre in Mumbai has been named, getting ready for a public sacrifice to bolster the civilian part of the government...

One of my favorite people I love to bash, Newt Gingrich, is supposed to announce he will run for the Republican nomination for President on Wednesday. Of course, it was purposely leaked a day in advance to drum up interest and make sure that enough reporters will show up... Newt maybe more self-delusional than Osama was, believing that he is a good man for our country, that he is an intellectual, leading light of the conservative movement.

He will try to ignore the questions about his ugly, hypocritical past, where he failed as Speaker of the House, and had to be removed in shame and embarrassment. He believes that his conversion to Catholicism has made him a more moral man, but already he has thrust his current wife in front of himself, willing to let her take the first bullets from reporters, so he hasn't changed all that much. OK, he did jump in and change the subject when a reporter asked Callista how she dealt with being the younger woman Newt was having an affair with before he married her. I'd ask how her health was, since Newt tends to leave his wives once the enter the hospital for any reason... But since she's 25 years younger, you'd expect the roles to be reversed, maybe that's the edge of danger that Newt finds so tantalizing - that any minute she could kill him in bed - and in some twisted fantasy he imagines that he is paying penance for the way he left his last two wives. And, in some twisted self-delusion, he imagines that people will want him to become President, other than the Democrats, who are praying that he wins the nomination. You see, he is not doing all of this for his ego, but because he is kind enough to fulfill the people's desire to have him run for public office, he fulfills their destiny. At some point he will have to face someone other than Fox News, he can't plan his whole campaign around answering easy questions by Greta van Susteren, like Sarah Paln does...

Some good news is that Obam's schooling of Donald Trump worked (yes, the bin Laden announcement was done on purpose to break into Celebrity Apprentice...), and The Donald's popularity has fallen from first place to fifth place, tied with Ron Paul. Only, Ron Paul makes more sense than he does...

Friday, May 6, 2011

Friday Rant: From Drilling Off Our Coast To The Path Led By Waterboarding

Eugene Robinson
Matt Latimer
Paul Krugman
"Yet any action to help the unemployed is vetoed by the fear-mongers... So we’re paying a heavy price for Washington’s obsession with phantom menaces. By looking for trouble in all the wrong places, our political class is preventing us from dealing with the real crisis: the millions of American men and women who can’t find work." - Paul Krugman

We have strong economic indicators that our economy is improving. Wall Street firms are making a killing. GM is posting a $10 billion quarter, as is Exxon and Chevron. Out of all of these companies, only GM hired any new people, the rest did their best to cut and trim their sails, helping to leave more than 4 million people out of work, one million whom have been out of work for over a year...

So, why does the GOP have this bug up their butts about deficit spending? We must drastically cut the budget or else bad juju will happen, though we can't tell you what it is; it will affect your dear grandchildren... Could it be just another scare tactic, to try and turn voters against a Democrat? ... while we were sleeping, our House Republicans passed a bill making it easier to get an oil lease in the Gulf of Mexico, because the current hold-up was making sure that they came up with a better way to contain an oil spill before allowing them to drill in deep water.

While I'm talking about oil, there is such a misconception about drilling, baby, drilling for oil off of our coasts, that the oil produced there gets to be used as a cheaper source for gasoline in America. All of the oil produced is put up for sale on the world market, and the highest bidder wins. Our oil can go to Russia or China, whomever outbids us. People also speculate on what that price will be when it's sold, and the amount they have gambled on gets put into the price of oil sold, like it or not, and that can affect the price quite a lot. If we were to end this commodity speculation, the price of food, gas, and medicine would all come down significantly, easing the current global inflation. That won't happen as long as people's greed is greater than the pain and starving this causes... No amount of taking oil off of our coasts will help our economy, unless we nationalize the oil companies. Then, we could get rid of all taxes and have enough left over to finance another couple of wars...

It took our special forces 40 minutes to go in and take out Osama bin Laden. Why not spend another half hour or so on Moammar Qaddafi? Get it over with as painless as possible, get out of that country before spending millions of dollars on munitions for the rebels... Nobody would be whining as much as the Pakistanis are over bin Laden. Notice how little outcry there is outside of Pakistan... I want to know where bin Laden's wives came from, did he have more than was allowed? I know that he had delusions of being a reincarnate of the Prophet, so how much of that was play-acting and how much of that was an attempt to impress the rubes? Remember that Iran is hosting part of bin Laden's family, a wife and some kids. I wonder if they are still there, or did they travel back to Abbottabad with Ahmadinejad's blessings? It's bad enough that one wife hadn't left the compound in over 5 years...

We are trying to punish Pakistan by cutting off American aid we had promised. The Israelis became inspired by that, and have cut off $105 million in tax revenue to the Palestinian Authority, because they don't approve of the Fatah - Hamas reconciliation. This is a preview of things to come as long as Netanyhu and other right wing wackos are in charge of the Israeli government. At this rate, it will take the US to come in and invade Israel before a positive change can be made there. The attitude of these kind of Israelis towards the Palestinians is the Palestinians have been raised in a culture of hatred and they aren't even human anymore...

The real change since 2001 hasn't been in Asia or the Middle East, but rather in America. As Tom Engelhard put it in the Asian Times: "The point has been repeatedly made about Osama bin Laden that by the time of his death on Monday he was already a footnote to history in a Middle East convulsed by the Arab Spring. What's not being said is this: The world Bin Laden really changed forever wasn't in the Greater Middle East, it was in the United States. And that change was for the worse in almost every way." We have become a lot more paranoid, and have open discussion about the merits of torture, making family meals more interesting. We have lost some of our personal freedoms so our intelligence forces can listen in on our conversations, on the phone or on our computers and cellphones. We no longer welcome immigrants and the right wing wackos are now considered to be politically mainstream. Life just isn't as much fun anymore, and other folks want us to start accepting the moral consequences every time we invade another country...

Praise is being given on the waterboarding techniques that led to the information of finding Osama bin Laden, all praise George W Bush!!!

Except, it didn't work that way. Waterboarding and the use of torture was outlawed and not used after 2003. The info we got from Khalid Sheik Mohammed came in 2004, over a year after we stopped waterboarding him 186 times. The path of information came through Guantanamo, but torture didn't have anything to do with it, ya sadistic and sick bastards...

Thursday, May 5, 2011

al Qaeda's Architecture Chic, A Kinder, Gentler Hamas, D Trump

Thomas Friedman
Paul Miller
Doyle McManus
"Rush Limbaugh said yesterday that Obama never would have tracked down bin Laden if it weren't for George W. Bush's policies. Although in fairness, Obama never would have even been elected if it weren't for George W. Bush's policies." – Jimmy Fallon
"The hot new drink around the country is the bin Laden. It’s a Colt 45 and a shot that goes right to your head." – Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein is dead, and Osama bin Laden is dead. If you're Moammar Gadhafi, living in exile is starting to sound really good." – Jay Leno
"Intelligence experts think Osama bin Laden lived in the compound in Pakistan with all of his wives for six years. So I guess he did suffer." – David Letterman

David Letterman's "Top Ten Things Overhead While Watching Raid On Bin Laden"

10. 'We have got to get together for covert special ops raids more often'
9. 'Are we shooting this in the studio where we faked the moon landing?'
8. 'Someone run to the store and get daddy a pack of smokes'
7. 'Hit pause, I gotta take a leak'
6. 'These vibrating chairs are the best money we ever spent'
5. 'Biden, wake up!'
4. 'Mind if we switch over to the Celtics game for a second?'
3. 'We should totally post this on YouTube'
2. 'Seriously, Joe, wake up!'
1. 'I just wish Dick Cheney were alive to see this'

The new unified spirit that Obama asked for when he announced the death of Osama bin Laden lasted a whopping 13 hours, before members of the GOP began attacking him and putting him down. The latest and dumbest one appeared this morning, when one of the Koch brothers said that Obama really didn't have that much to do with the decision making process. But he did say that he finds Obama "scary..."

There were actually quite a number of people in Washington who knew about the impending action to take out Osama bin Laden. On Friday afternoon, a congressional committee voted to stop payment to Pakistan on the $450 million loan, or "gift" that had been negotiated as foreign aid last year. The reason given was government corruption, they couldn't be sure that the money being sent over there was actually going to the programs it was supposed to go to. How do we know it doesn't go to build a compound for some al Qaeda official? Debka files reports that there are six similarly built compounds in Gaza, where other top al Qaeda leaders probably live, since they all copy bin Laden's dreary style of architecture and have no imaginations of their own. Besides, what represents terrorist chic?

One result of our institutionalized sense of paranoia, is the 16 different spy agencies within our government, and the countless mercenary companies that have all popped up like mushrooms around Washington and Virginia. It has grown to be a $10.17 billion dollar industry. If al Qaeda does fade away, there goes the profit margin unless another terrorist group is manufactured. After all, our own CIA originally gave the money to the Pakistani intelligence service to create al Qaeda, and look what a good return on their investment they got... So, finding the rest of al Qaeda shouldn't be too difficult; just look for the bin Laden style compounds built elsewhere...

Both the US government and the Pakistani government and military have gone into spin control on the backstory about why Osama was able to live under the military's noses for six years. The obvious question to ask is which military commander owned the town of Abbotabad, who collected all of the protection money, and how much was al Qaeda paying them? Follow the money, who is making the most money from this town, and you'll have your sympathizer, a task that should take 4 hours at the most. Then what? Until Pakistan itself undertakes some radical reforms like Egypt and Tunisia, they will always be stuck in a feudal society that feeds into graft and corruption as a way to take care of the family first, then my tribe, second...

The US is freaking out mildly at the successful attempt by Egypt, hosting the reconciliation efforts by  Hamas and the PA. Agreements aren't supposed to be made without the US's OK. Israel is even more freaked because Egypt is making decisions without consulting them first, and second, they don't want the two factions united. It's easier for Israel to make excuses on postponing peace negotiations when the other side can't agree on anything and try to sabotage each other.

Now, if elections will actually be held in September, a very different kind of leadership will emerge, maybe one that reflects the younger voices and the younger viewpoints, which inspired the unification. Over 50% of the Palestinian population is under 25 years old, and they have grown up watching all of the BS generated by their elders, all of the excuses for the last 20 years at why peace negotiations are breaking down and cannot continue. If Israel could get rid of its right wing conservative faction, then real progress could be made. Instead, we see Netanyahu wheezing into the wind... In the event that Israel still flaunts the simple request to stop building in the disputed territory, the newly created unified Palestinian government plans to go before the UN and ask for formal recognition as an independent state composed of Gaza, the West Bank, and East Jerusalem as the capitol. Maybe then a new school or hospital might be built in Gaza, but I won't hold my breath. Maybe we could get Greg Mortenson to build a school or two. It would help rejuvenate his career and reputation, and he could name his next book Three Cups of Tea and Two Hits From the Hubbly-Bubbly... Besides, Hamas is going to need someplace for its headquarters once it gets kicked out of Syria for not siding with the government. Well, there are at least six places that will be newly vacant in Gaza that they could use...

The first real fallout for Donald Trump espousing crazy talk like birtherism,  has caused him to walk away from driving the pace car at the next Indy 500 race: "The Indianapolis Star reports that Trump has abandoned his scheduled appearance in the Chevy Camaro that will pace the race on May 29.

Anti-Trump activists on Facebook and a group of Baptist ministers in Indianapolis had been hounding race organizers as Trump's stature as birther and then Obama college record questioner-in-chief rose.

On Thursday, Trump gave in to the pressure and abandoned his ride around the famous 2.5 mile oval, citing scheduling problems. "I very much appreciate the honor, but time and business constraints make my appearance there, especially with the necessary practice sessions, impossible to fulfill," Trump told the organizers, according to reports. "I look forward to watching the race from New York."

But Trump's own "special counsel" told the Star that it was Indianapolis who walked away from Trump, not the other way around. Michael Cohen said the anger at Trump's appearance was "politically motivated."

"Of course it is, of course it is," he told the paper. "This debate stems from unfounded, incorrect and malicious lies that Donald Trump has a racial bias toward the president," Cohen said. "Nothing could be further from the truth; Donald Trump doesn't have a racist bone in his body." Whoa, where did the racist thing come from? Methink he doth protest too much... Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. This may be payback for his being such a bully for all those years...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Osama bin Laden's Timely Demise

Dana Milbank
Ali Soufan
"Thank God for President Obama." - Rush Limbaugh
"Quite a weekend! Did you folks enjoy Osama bin Laden's season finale? At least he lived long enough to see the Royal Wedding." – David Letterman
"Osama bin Laden was apparently shot twice in the face. It looks like Dick Cheney may have been involved." – Jay Leno

"For their honeymoon, the royal couple wants to go somewhere they can have complete privacy and no one in the country will give away their location. I think they're going to Pakistan." –Jay Leno

David Letterman's "Top Ten Final Words Of Osama bin Laden"

10. 'My horoscope says 'Big surprises are in store''
9. 'See, this is why I normally don't answer the door'
8. 'The one time I give my bodyguards a day off to go to the zoo . . . '
7. 'What on earth could be interrupting 'Celebrity Apprentice?''
6. 'I hear Brian Williams is on Dave to discuss my imminent demise'
5. 'At least I'll be reunited with my dear departed friend Jack LaLanne'
4. 'I'm not sure I want to live in a world where 'Fast Five' is the No. 1 movie'
3. 'Any man with multiple wives welcomes death. Am I right, fellas?'
2. 'I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head'
1. 'Oh, crap!'

Yes, President Barack Obama kicked off his re-election campaign in a big way. As a teaser, he released the long form of his birth certificate, thereby negating all of the crazy birthers and their second-cousins. Then, he gave a stand-up comedy routine at the White House Correspondents Dinner, roasting Donald Trump in the process. The next evening, he interrupted "Celebrity Apprentice" to announce that Osama bin Laden had been captured and killed. It looks like everyone except for Ron Paul is going to withdraw from the 2012 election...

When I said in this blog that Osama would be found in a large house, drinking mojitos and sunning himself by the pool, I was joking. I didn't actually think that he would do such a thing, but just in case I am a bit clairvoyant, I went out and bought some lottery tickets... Interesting to know that all of the top al Qaeda operatives have been captured in nice houses in different cities in Pakistan, they'll also find the top level of the Talibans there, too.  I chose Karachi as the city that bin Laden was in, second choice was Riyadh, third choice somewhere in the south of France... I was waiting for the next issue of the online al Qaeda magazine, with their featuring the hot, new Bin Laden crib and the trustworthy couriers that made it so...

A lot is being made that the US didn't inform the Pakistani govt about the raid, saying that we don't really trust the Pakistani intelligence service. But the head of the PSI made an emergency trip to Washington about one week ago, making appointments to talk to the CIA and some military brass. We don't know if he was giving some information, or protesting the upcoming raid, or trying to find out if the rumors of a raid were true. We just don't know how much the Pakistanis knew about the bin Laden compound, and may never know until the first three books come out. At the time that Hillary Clinton visited Pakistan and angrily protested that they have to know where Osama was, it was pointed out in the Asia Times that of course, Pakistani intelligence knows where bin Laden is, just like they keep tabs on all insurgent leaders within their borders. The easiest way was to find the Pakistani intelligence officer who is assigned to know where bin Laden was, and to put him under surveillance; he would eventually lead us to him. A variation of that is what was carried out, having spent 4 years finding out the name of the trusted courier for bin Laden. It's also obvious now that Osama was using his inheritance money to keep himself, his wives, and 23 children in some kind of comfort. The compound is a large one, though it looks cheaply made, without much luxury for a million dollar property... As in most quiet neighborhoods in an affluent town that house military battalions and a military academy, all of the surrounding neighbors were shocked to learn who was helicoptered out Sunday evening. The story given was that the house belonged to some wealthy Pakistani who made their fortune in transportation.

As has been pointed out, al Qaeda has been on the demise for some time now, money has not been flowing in like it used to. All that's left is under a hundred fighters in Afghanistan and a few in Pakistan, Iraq, and Yemen. The mood of the people in the Middle East, with their protesting for dignity and human rights, makes the methods of al Qaeda seem crude and old school. Unfortunately, the attitude of the governments of the Middle East makes you wish that someone would go visit the Qaddafi and Assad families wearing a suicide vest...

What wa the most interesting to me, watching celebrations unfold spontaneously on the television, was how happy the crowds were, mostly comprising of younger people in college. Ten years ago, when 9/11 occurred, they would have been young children, around 10 years of age. They have grown up with the threat of another violent al Qaeda attack, just like their parents have grown up under the threat of a nuclear war. So, they were letting off some steam, and hopefully, might become more aware of what it must be like living with the threat of war in places like Afghanistan, for those who have to live it 24/7...

Two days later and the myth making begins. Perhaps to save face of Pakistani Muslims, the US is saying that Osama bin Laden was not armed, he didn't put a woman in front of himself to use as a human shield, but he did resist. The largest decision, is should the photo of bin laden with his face shot up be released? Is that putting salt in the wound, along with strutting on the world stage and proclaiming what a pussy he really was? Let Pakistan feign moral outrage, and let them make dire threats if it should happen next time. Next Time? Who else do they want us to get? Time to send our special forces to surround Syria, and just stand by, smiling and looking at their watches...

Doesn't it seem anti-climactic, that Osama bin Laden actually was buried at sea, tossed of the prow of a US Navy ship? If this was in earlier times, his head would have been impaled on the end of a pike and paraded around in major cities, at least they could have preserved the head and put it in the Smithsonian, along with other historical oddities...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Trump Plays Vegas, Obama And Meyers At White House Correspondents Dinner

Kathleen Parker
Gail Collins
Johan Hari
"Too many seem satisfied to let the fringe inform the base. We dwell in a time when buffoons are elevated and presidents are compelled to respond to the jester. These circumstances cannot bode well for the republic." - Kathleen Parker
“One would argue the white men themselves were instrumental weapons of mass destruction against the Native Americans. Should we not honor any white people?” - Ariz Sen Steve Smith
“Reagan came up with this great thing about the ‘misery index’ and he hung that around Jimmy Carter’s neck,” Romney said. “Well, we’re going to have to hang the ‘Obama Misery Index’ around his neck.” - Mit Romney
"We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way!" - Sarah Palin

Now that Obama has released the lp version of his birth certificate, you can find out if your neighbor is certifiably insane, depending if they concede the fact that the president was born in the USA, or if they still spout alternative theories and refuse to hear you. Or, they could be a follower of Donald Trump, who is parading himself as an expletive filled, ranting Everyman. Below are the two parts of his most recent speech, given last night in Las Vegas, it's fucking awesome:

Supposedly, Trump is polling as the top vote getter among the GOP right now, which may tell us many things, if we wish to paste on silly theories to a flimsy thing like a poll number. Even Michele Bachmann had a sensible reaction to Obama's birth certificate, conceded that was the end of that... The GOP could consist of old white guys who were raised during the time of segregation, like my father, and still have a slightly racist outlook on life. They know better, but in moments of unconscious stress, show how they were raised... Supposedly, we are all behind that kind of behavior, but each generation has to learn their own variation on these lessons learned. The GOP is filled with younger white guys that have yet to come to terms with Black people, probably because they've never socially interacted with a Black, Brown, or Yellow person in their miserable lives... Since part of the GOP strategy for 2012 is to constantly criticize Barack Obama in everything he says and does, saying mildly racist statements is a part of the process. The GOP is filled with old and younger white guys that are puppets who regurgitate talking points to the media, who swallow those worms with gusto and pleasure...

In contrast, here is president Obama giving his comedy routine at the White house Correspondents Dinner. Donald Trump attended, and he was not amused. Even less amused than the laughter directed his way:

The main speaker was Seth Meyers, who also roasted Donald Trump, among others: