Saturday, February 25, 2012

Hamas Supports Syrian Opposition, Virginia Out Of My Vagina

"Today Newt Gingrich said we should use covert operations to assassinate Iran's nuclear scientists. Gingrich also said the key to covert operations is announcing them on the campaign trail." – Conan O'Brien

"Rick Santorum said today that during his 16 years in Congress, he was an outsider the whole time. You know what? After 16 years, you're not an outsider. You're just unpopular." – Jay Leno

"Santorum says that Satan has his sights set on the United States of America. And today Satan said he tries to avoid politics because it makes him feel dirty." - Jay Leno

"Rick Santorum said he believes that Satan has his sights on America. Apparently Satan is still upset about the time he went down to Georgia and lost that fiddle." – Jimmy Kimmel

It's shaping up to becoming one of the most interesting weekends in a long time, as world leaders play variations of the Great Game with their shifting allegiances and economies. A leader of Hamas, who once was based in Damascus, spoke out against the Syrian government and for the opposition, while speaking at a mosque in Cairo, Egypt. This was important because Iran has been supporting Hamas financially for years, and it might mean that the leaders of Hamas are finally getting serious about creating a unity government with the Palestinian Authority and holding elections of their own. After all, they no longer have anywhere else to go outside of Palestine... Israel may want to use its threat to bomb Iran as a bargaining chip, it will not bomb nuclear facilities if the Assad family steps down in Syria. Not only will it gain major face points throughout the Middle East, but it would transform all of the paranoia into something more positive, which translates into better economic trade for all. Otherwise, the US and Iran may become strange bedfellows, new BFF's, in their mutual desire to divert Israeli bombings. The US just made public a report saying that it doubts that Iran will actually make a nuclear bomb, and so far Iran has been more bluster than action, with the only war it has entered into was the one with Iraq, before we showed them the proper way to invade a foreign country and occupy it... One finger to the wind may be the results of the Iranian parliamentary elections next month, if all the candidates are puppets of the regime or if there are independent candidates offering voters a choice. Or will it become as big of a farce as the Russian elections, also next month, where they will anoint Vladimir Putin as Russia's answer to the Aryan race?...

I felt a bit hung over after the last Republican debate in Arizona, where the tea was liberally served. I had planned on a drinking game with some Kentucky bourbon, but I forgot that in Arizona, tequila is preferred.
Never mix the two, the outcome is never pretty... Unfortunately, the ugliest moments during the debate were the promo spots for Arizona, starring the ugliest woman in america, Jan Brewer. Talk about finding aliens in the desert... but, all four candidates did well, the only unruly aspect was the audience, who now seems to cheer and boo with abandon, especially when Ron Paul called Rick Santorum a fake. Instead of name calling, each candidate then dissed the voting record of the other, and made me wonder which rabbit-hole I fell down, and was John King the Mad Hatter? After 19 debates, there are no clear winners, and all of the remaining four are losers, because we are tired of their bluster, tired of their cliched ideas, and by now we can tell when they are lying or not... Mitt may be the front-runner, but he will say anything to get a vote...

The state of Virginia has a Republican dominated Senate and House of Representatives, which is perfectly suited to make laws for their side of the culture wars. Instead of dealing with the Virginia economy, its school system, or attracting private industry, they have been concentrating on opposing abortion, passing a new law stating that if any woman seeks to have an abortion, she must have an ultrasound, first. This is meant to dissuade the woman, but would probably backfire because it turns out that only a vaginal probe kind of device can be used, so the state would force these women to be probed like white trash by alien abductors... A member of the Virginia Senate who also was a doctor discovered this when he realized that most abortions happen within the first three months, and other ultrasounds methods won't work very well. He asked the man who was the medical consultant for the bill if he was aware of this fact, and the guy didn't have a clue... So, opposition to the bill went public, and made it to the Rachel Maddow show and the Daily Show, where Republicans and the governor were ridiculed for being so insensitive. It is great irony, that for a party obsessed with reducing the influence of government, they would mandate the vaginal probing of all daughters who sought to have an abortion, something that even the most repressive governments in the world don't have and won't do. They believe in Liberty, just not for you...

Public ridicule won out, the governor, who has wet-dreams about becoming the vice-presidential candidate, closed himself in the closet with the other GOP legislators, then came out with an apology: they didn't realize anything about the probing situation, and they would drop that part of the legislation. And, to sweeten the pot, the virginia legislature also dropped the "personhood" amendment that was currently before a committee. So far, this makes every state that has had a "personhood" amendment brought up by right wing extremists, it has been rejected... I had hoped that the ridicule and bluster in Virginia would continue for a few more weeks, as I wanted to score some points with my feminist friends and make some money with my new bumpersticker:

Virginia out of my Vagina


Who's afraid of Virginia's Wolves?

I'm always amazed at the power of satire to change our world, and lament that Mort Sahl is no longer on the scene, perennially standing on the stage, newspaper in hand. John Stewart is mugging too much for the camera these days, maybe what's needed is a rotating batch of comedians serving as hosts. I'd be happy if the writers for the show were all as clever as John Oliver...


  1. Male Legislators, and if there are any Female legislator in Virginia who voted for this Barbaric legislation, should be forced to live out their lives with small baseball bats jammed up their butts, and chained there to prevent removal!

  2. I liked one female legislator's response, was to draft an amendment that would require an anal probe for every male seeking a viagra prescription...


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